Observation

I made a personal observation tonight. As I was deeply closeted I had very few friends and very few resources. Now that I am starting to open up to my truth, and not just the lesbian part, I have more friends and more resources.

Tonight I was hurting, my heart physically hurt as I went to my church to celebrate the Fall equinox. And wouldn't you know one of the main points my minister made tonight was about having an open heart. We then went through a labrynth. I've been very very good in the past about keeping my emotions bottled up but tonight I started letting them out. I needed to release some of that energy. I did the labrynth twice and found it very healing. After we were done we were instructed to leave in silence. I was getting ready to go when I saw my minister and asked for a hug. She was the first person I came out to. We hugged for a long time and I was able to just cry. For those who know me well they know tears do not come easily, especially when I am around other people. But I have found a place where I have been able to start to heal.

Tomorrow I am going to see a dear friend of mine who does accupuncture and massage. She knows how to read my physical and spiritual body so well, I always get exactly what I need without telling her anything. Then Thursday I am getting a massage from a woman who is a member of my spiritual community. I've never had a massage from her before but I just get this feeling from her that I'll be able to just melt and relax. I'm not going to her to get knots worked out I am going just for the calming and relaxation. My blood pressure is telling me I need it. Right now what is speaking to me more is my head, it's pounding. I have a migraine from the lack of sleep. I took some drugs and I hope to sleep well tonight.